long time coming
by Ralph E. Silvering
Summary: Carrie's realization that she loves Quinn leading up to 4x12.


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from **_**Homeland. **_**Season 4 has been the best season yet, and I couldn't believe that we finally got a kiss between Quinn & Carrie. I've loved Quinn since his first episode and I'm so happy he hasn't been killed off yet, and that he got so much storyline this season. Yay! Anyway, just a quick drabble from Carrie's pov. I might write an entire story featuring the two of them if this goes well. Tell me what you think!**

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She didn't remember when she realized that Quinn loved her, but she knew the second she realized that she loved him.

Fara was dead. Thirty-five other Americans had been gunned down by Terrorists while the Pakistanis looked on and did nothing. Quinn was on a suicide mission of revenge.

And her father had just died.

Carrie felt Max's arms close around her, felt herself start to cry, but there was no relief to be found there. She wanted Quinn. She wanted his stoic face and unwavering support and his moral guidance. She wanted him to tell her to suck it up and go home and help her sister. She wanted him to just sit next to her in silence while she thought.

She just wanted him.

And the realization of that was like a punch to the gut. Her first thought hadn't been of Brody or her family or anyone else. Her first reaction for comfort had been to turn to Quinn.

When had that even happened? Was it always there? From that first snarky comment of his? He didn't even say much, and she was always fighting with him. But she trusted him, and she didn't trust anyone, not even Saul a lot of the time. But she trust him. And she needed him.

She pulled away from Max, tried a smile to show that she was thankful, and retreated back to her office. She pulled out her phone and stared at it for a moment, feeling tears drying on her cheeks and trying to steady her breathing.

Everything was just happening too fast. And there was no way she could fix any of it.

The answering machine picked up in Astrid's flat. "Quinn?" She hated how her voice trembled. She sounded like she was forever on the cusp of a nervous breakdown. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Quinn, if you get this, please call me." She knew that she had spoken too fast, but there was no way to fix that either now. She hung up. And waited.

But Quinn didn't call.

She must have fallen into an exhausted slumber because the next thing she knew, it was early morning and Max was shaking her awake.

"Quinn called while you were asleep," he admitted guiltily.

Carrie started to her feet. "And you didn't get me?!"

Max took a rapid step back and held up his hands placating. "He just asked if you were alright, and what had happened, and then he hung up."

Carrie ran a distracted hand through her hair and attempted a calming breath. That bastard hadn't even had the decency to speak to her. "What did you tell him?" she asked instead.

"The truth," Max said. "About your father."

And Carrie, nauseous and upset and bone-achingly tired as she was, realized that she now had a way to reach out to Quinn and stop him, if she could just find him again. His weak spot was her, she had recognized that for a while now, just as Tasneem Querashi had recognized that she herself – as a turned asset – was Sandy's weakness, and that getting one over on his wife was Dennis Boyd's.

Everyone had a weakness, and even now she could exploit Quinn's.

She knew he would be furious with her. He might never forgive her. She knew he hated that she was his weakness. But if it would save his life, she would have to bear his ire. She just wasn't sure she had the strength at the moment when all she wanted to do was have him wrap his arms around her while she cried.

But not yet. She would not break, yet.

"I don't want to lose you!" she shouted at him through the phone, the chanting and yelling of the crowd, over the pounding of her own heart, making it hard to hear anything else. She left out the _too _at the end of that sentence, but she knew that Quinn would realize what she was implying.

There was silence on the other end. If Carrie had to guess it would be a shocked and furious silence, that she would be low enough to use her own father's death to try and stop him from his mission. Carrie didn't care. She would feel guilty about it later. Right now, the only thing that mattered was saving Quinn's life. Khan and his men were coming. They would shoot to kill on sight. She would not lose him like that.

"You have no fucking right," he swore at her, absolutely furious.

"Do you hear me?! I _can't _lose you, Quinn!"

He didn't reply.

The truck went by and the bomb didn't go off. The silence on his end was finally broken.

"Goddamn you, Carrie." And then the line went dead.

She didn't hear from him again. She went home. She looked at her father's still face and held her daughter. She hugged her grieving sister and helped with the funeral arrangements.

There was no word from Quinn.

Dar Adal came looking for his wayward assassin and even then Carrie refused to panic, refused to even consider the possibility that Khan had continued to chase him, or that Tasneem Querashi had found him.

Her mother came back and she refused to deal with it. Refused to consider the possibility that her mother might be found again but that Quinn might be lost.

She held it together throughout the Church service, somehow. She had a feeling her words were trite, that they could never do justice for the wonderful, amazing man who had been her father, but true words had never come easy to her. Lies did, and her father deserved more than lies, so she had done her best to be truthful, and even if her words fell short, her emotions spoke loud enough how badly this lose affected her – affected all of Frank Mathison's surviving family.

And then he was there, standing in the sunshine, watching her, and waiting to see if he would be welcome. He had made it back, and he had come to find her. He didn't even know if she would still be angry with him, or if she would even want him there.

The fool. As much a fool as her.

She tried to keep breathing and walked towards him, but by the time she got close she was almost running. He moved forwards to meet her and she grabbed him, wrapping her arms as tight as possible around his warm, strong body.

She felt him still in surprise, but then he pulled her even closer and rubbed her back soothingly. She buried her face in his shoulder and breathed in the scent that was uniquely Quinn and wondered when she had recognized what he smelled like. He was alive and he was here with her, and it was going to be alright.

And Carrie, feeling the sun on her back and Quinn in her arms, felt steady for the first time since…..in forever really.

So when he asked her if she was alright, she was telling the truth when she said 'yes.' She left off the _now that you're here. _

She would find a way to tell him that part later.

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End file.
